Taken from my personal notes, written March 2020.
Out of frustration and loneliness, I jumped in my car and toured through the West Sacramento shopping areas. I feared I was the only one still alive in town, that all would be shut down, that the winds of space would be whistling through alleys and vacant soulless buildings.
To my surprise, there were cars and people everywhere I went! The parking lots at Nugget and Target were filled! Normally there are spots near the store entrances where I could park, but not today, on a Thursday at noon! Starbucks was open with customers lined up for coffee. All chairs and tables had been removed both inside and out, to discourage any socializing: here’s your coffee, thanks for your business, now get out! I was much relieved to see there were others besides myself, committing acts of civil disobedience, leaving their homes and rubbing shoulders with fellow humans.
The covid lockdown “emergency” announcement troubled me, in more ways than one. Between the years 1976-1989 I was employed by the Church of Scientology, a cult that over the years, increasingly tightened restrictions, doubling down on their efforts to inhibit an individual’s ability to come and go as they wished. In 1989 I packed a bag and literally escaped their employ and since then have traveled a long road to recovery. My experiences in the cult distilled down to a realization that my freedom to come and go as I wish, my freedom to think and do as I see fit for my safety and comfort, are paramount. The individual comes first and once the individual is cared for and standing on secure ground, he can then assist others. Like the flight attendant’s monotone repetition of an airline’s safety instructions: put YOUR oxygen mask on first then assist those next to you.
From my years-long experience with the cult, I recognize quite clearly when my personal freedoms are being whittled away, piece by piece. I think what most troubled me about the prescribed “social distancing” and masking is the perception that it cuts our love and care for each other. Yes you can still say “I love you” in an email, text or phone call, or shout it across the street or from the bottom of someone’s driveway. But there is nothing like the handshake, the hug, the kiss on the cheek, the closeness of a one-on-one conversation across cups of coffee in a crowded neighborhood coffee shop, sharing drinks in a bar or waiting in line to pay for groceries. Humanity loves love, loves closeness, lives and breathes for each other. These “well-meaning” authoritarian instructions to distance onesself from others in the end only serve to divide us, to seed mistrust and fear between us, to sever our communications. Yes people are going to get sick, some will die, most will get well as has been proven throughout our human history.
I’m now in the “elderly” age range referred to in this corona virus emergency declaration. Yet for my age, I am in good health (except for seasonal sneezing-it is pollen season in the Sacramento area after all), I take no drugs or medications, I watch my diet, I have a strong immune system, I try though don’t often succeed to get a full night’s sleep. I take care of myself first so I can assist others. These “social distancing” and masking rules worry me. Yet, as a result, I have come to realize how much I love myself, and how very much I love humanity.
I am willing and able to practice acts of civil disobedience. I and my business have been labeled “non-essential” but I am still servinging those clients brave enough to also practice civil disobedience. I am still sewing - after all, we still have to wear clothes! I will give a hug and a kiss to a client.....and then, ashamedly, wash my hands after they leave!
Finally taking a moment to breathe after this emergency declaration, I have had time to reflect, time to look inward. I am hoping others are also experiencing this. Maybe then the opposite effects will result: love instead of fear, hope instead of despair, civil disobedience instead of unthinking cringing fear for “authority”, truth instead of lies, health instead of illness.
Perception is experience: if you can see only threats and brutality, then that is probably what you will experience. Perceive love, humanity and hope, then you will experience love, humanity and an expanding sense of hope for all. Opportunities will present themselves for your experience and understanding in answer to your perceptions and prayers. These are sometimes hard to practice and maintain, but heck, it’s worth a try. Who knows what will come of it!
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*In memoriam is a Latin phrase meaning “in memory of” or “as a memorial to.”
Hi Linda,
Once again, beautiful writing!
Kim